inside my mind...

goodbye and good luck

2009-10-19T21:14:00.003-04:00

So, I've been a pretty crappy blogger as of late.

I would like to say it will get better, but I know it won't.

I'm about to start a pretty intense grad class that will occupy most of my waking hours between now and Christmas. I'm not sure when, if ever I'll get back to posting. So, I think I'm signing off the world of blogging.

If this terribly upsets anyone, let me know. Otherwise...see you all in the realm of e-mail and...what was that other one? Oh yeah, reality.

Peter

loving church

2009-09-21T16:00:00.002-04:00

It's been about 3 years since I've really looked forward to going to church. I know for some it has been much longer and I sound really whiny trying to compare my 3 years of ecclesiastical dryness to some who are stuck in church. However, this is my blog so I'm going to talk about me.
When I moved to Maryland I visited so many churches looking for the church that would replace my college church. Not unsurprisingly, I didn't find it. For a while I got really frustrated with church and stopped going. I was frustrated with the church language and how if you weren't "in" then you just didn't get it. I was frustrated with how very unfriendly some churches are. I was frustrated with bad music and boring preaching and churches that wanted to put me in their single-young-professionals box. Sometimes I wanted to pretend I wasn't a believer...but that was hard when I would inevitable be asked where I worked and would have to say a Christian school. I suppose I could have lied...but being new to the area it was hard to lie about things I generally lacked knowledge about (like the names of the local public schools).
So I stopped going and walked around battlefields instead. (Probably not something I could do everywhere...but in Maryland I had a few to chose from) Eventually, I realized I was being silly because it was as if I was saying that I was better than all the local churches and there wasn't a one that was worth my presence. A bit arrogant you might say.
Eventually, I found a church that was what I needed at that time. But my needs changed and the church didn't and it wasn't a great fit any more. Last summer Char and I looked around for a new church and in the process visited churches we wouldn't consider going to but really wanted to experience. A Catholic church, a Greek Orthodox Church, a Mega church outside D.C., a cultish split from that Mega church, an Episcopal church, a Unitarian Universalist church (wow...just...wow), among others.
Now in small town Warsaw, Indiana we have found a church that we can honestly say we love. We look forward to getting up on Sunday morning. I get excited on Saturday night thinking that in the morning I get to go to church. I love the people I've met, the sermon's, the sermon discussions, the structure (or lack there of) of the church, the pastor, the music, the goals and mission of the church, the challenges put out to live in community and make an impact in the community at large, and the opportunity for further ministry.
Are some of those selfish reasons? Yeah. But some of the reason I love my wife is for selfish reasons too. Let's face it, some of the reason we all love God is for selfish reasons. (I'm not sure if I'm justifying or just explaining...)
I'm just so very thankful to love church again. And I really hope in the season while we are here with this particular body of believers that I learn what it means to be part of the Church. Part of the Body of Christ. To love the other members, and to serve the world around us.

it's a small car after all

2009-09-10T19:23:00.003-04:00

So, I now have an hour drive to and from work. The introvert in me LOVES this. Though the impatient part of me doesn't always like it at the time.
Somedays however, I'm feeling more extroverted and...random. Like today.
I was recalling a song my friends (shout out to the Grants) and I came up with once about my old car. It went to the tune of "It's a small world after all". I thankfully no longer have that car. But I thought, while driving, I should make up a new song for this car. So, with out further adoo...the new and improved, "It's a small Car after all".

Pete has just one car and it's small and green
and the man who sold it was kind of mean
And the previous owner hardly drove it at all
It's a small car after all!

It's a small car after all,
It's a small car after all,
It's a small car after all,
It's a small, small car.

Pete has just one car with a radio
But the sounds not great, it's not stereo
And the nob for the air fell right off the consol
It's a small car after all!

Refrain

Pete has just one car, it's a Pontiac
I'll bet it's to late to get his money back
Oh the transmission died and some circuts are fried
It's a small car after all!

Thanks you, thank you, thank you!

one week in

2009-08-29T19:57:00.003-04:00

So, we survived our first week of real work for the first time in months. It went well.

I'm still not sure about middle school kids. I told Charlanne I need to start writing down some of the things they say so I can remember the stories...because they say the most random things.

Charlanne's job is off to a great start. She is really enjoying the people with whom she works and is looking forward to meeting the grad students on Monday.

My grad classes were just orientation stuff this week. That was good, because I wasn't at all sure how to use the on-line program they have. Also read a really good article on time management. Helpful, when starting grad classes and a new job and I tend toward perfectionism.

Also started more in depth reading for some assignments due on Monday. That Henri Nouwen guy had lots of wisdom. Reading Out of Solitude right now. Important reminder that in order to survive in this world we need to be centered in Christ. We need him in center of who we are. We need him to be the aim of who we are becoming.

I'm sure I'll have more class-related thoughts in the future.

on the brink...

2009-08-23T21:20:00.003-04:00

So, tommorrow starts a very new chapter in life. I start grad school and I start teaching middle school part time. Never done either. Really looking forward to one, more or less curious about the other. I know both will be hard work. I know I will learn through both.
I don't mind work and I like learning.
All day today Charlanne has been asking what I need in preparation for tomorrow. All day I've strangly felt no anxiety about tomorrow so I'm not quite sure what to say. Perhaps ignorance is bliss, but I'd like to think it is something more than ignorance that has me feeling okay and looking forward without hesitation. I think that, despite unknowns, both new events are what I should be doing and where I should be. Not what I thought a few months ago. But God has away of changing minds...and thankfully hearts.

I'll try to keep the two of you that follow this blog posted on what's going on.

a new (but familiar) job

2009-08-13T08:51:00.002-04:00

So, when I left my teaching gig in Maryland, I was pretty sure I wasn't ever going to teach again. However, upon arrival to the great mid-west and finding the state of the economy and knowing my upcoming grad school schedule the idea of teaching re-entered this brain of mind.
Thankfully, the school I am now hooked up with seems to be, in every way that is important, different from my previous place of employment. I'm really hoping this is a redemptive experience for my teaching career.

So, details of the job:
-Teaching middle school social studies...yeah never saw that one coming
-Teaching high school world history
-They also asked me to teach a leadership class! However, whereas before I taught a full year course to high school seniors, now I have to teach a 1 semester class to middle school kids. Hmmm.
-Still only working 7:30-12:30
- So basically, five different classes but only 3 different subjects all of which to some degree or another I have taught before. (YEAH for recycled lesson plans!)

It's my hope that with planning it will end up to be about 35 hours a week, leaving plenty of time for grad school and life. That's my hope.

After a summer of really doing nothing it will all start at once. Both teaching and grad school start the same day! Plus Charlanne starts her job about the same time. So much for a gradual transition to craziness...bring it on!

beach trip

2009-08-06T16:10:00.002-04:00

Yesterday for Char's birthday we went to Lake Michigan. It was the first time I had been since early college.
I like to go to Warren Dunes State Park because aside from the water it has really high dunes, decent bathrooms, and a concession stand. Best of all, though are the clay pits. If you follow a stream from the beach into the woods you will eventually get to a place that has this thick gray clay. For some reason as teens my friends and I would love to smear ourselves with it. Or make simple pieces of pottery. I forgot, however how long tat trek was until yesterday with Charlanne. And I also forgot how hot the sand feels when you've had your feet in nice cool water and you have to walk across what feels to be an endless stretch of burning hot sand before you get back to the beach.
However, it was fun to be there and remember good times with friends. So, if any of my TBBC youth group friends read this, here's a shout out to you.

summer reading part 2

2009-07-30T12:17:00.003-04:00

A few of the books I've been reading this summer and my thoughts about them...

The Giver by Lois Lowery
Apparently, the rest of the world read this book in middle school. I did not. After reading, I'm not sure that most middle school kids would really know how to wrestle with the ideas presented in the book. It's a quick read, but it brings to the mind of the reader questions about choice and free will and the value of diversity and what happens when choice is taken from us and the value and nature of risk. It's in a great story format, but really thought provoking.

Becoming Conversant with the Emergent Church by D.A. Carson
I don't know much about the movement known as the Emergent Church, but a friend loaned this book to us to get a better idea of what it is. I was able to learn quite a bit, but I didn't get far into it. This book is seriously academic. I know a few of the books on my list I didn't finish reading, but this one is one I have only read one chapter. So, clearly I cannot comment on the whole book, but what a first chapter! A good part of each page is given to foot notes and documentation.
Carson does a great job, I think, at defining what seems to escape self-definition. He lists common attributes found in the messages of Emergent speakers and leaders. Basically, the ideas of dissatisfaction with modernism, a protest of church practices and politics, and a desire to conform church methods (and for some leaders doctrine) with current cultural practices.
Maybe if I read the whole book I'd more fully understand the Emergent Church, but most of the rest of the book is spent analyzing what Emergent writers have said and I have not read any of those works or authors. I may read Mclaren some day and then I'll come back to this book.

Same Kind of Different as Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore
This is not a work of fiction, but it is a story and a very well told story at that. The story is of a art dealer and a homeless man who find each other and become good friends. The book alternates the story by telling it from Ron's point of view as a white rich guy in Texas and then from Denver's point of view as a former sharecropper black homeless guy from Louisiana.
It's a really neat story about friendship, faith, and God at work in cool ways. I really recommend it. I got it for Charlanne for Christmas, but I thought it was going to be way to sappy. It wasn't at all. Sure a bit of a tear jerker at parts, but it's all true so it doesn't feel as sappy.

Righteous by Laren Sandler
The subtitle of this book is "Dispatches from the Evangelical Youth Movement" and it was written by a self-proclaimed feminist-secularist reporter. Sandler took a look at Christian youth culture from various angles. Sure, sometimes she found the odd extremes, but she also took a look at organizations and groups with hundreds and thousands of followers. Acquire the Fire, the youth pro-life movement, and others. It was very interesting to see this aspect of sub culture of which I was and probably still am apart, from a different perspective. As I read her understanding of tactics, angles, and methods used by such groups I saw her as painting a fairly accurate picture from my experiences. The way she describes conversion experiences and youth retreats and small group studies hit the nail on the head. And looking at it from her perspective it is easy to see why some people are just really uneasy with Christians and the whole Christian sub-culture...youth or otherwise.
The funny thing is, the author was actually afraid of it all. She saw it as a growing movement which was a threat to the liberal way of life she celebrated. I don't think the Christian youth movement if nearly as threatening as she made it out to be, but her last chapter was a call to other secularists to get a hold of the youth in the same way the Christians do. To give them a purpose, to give them an emotional experience, to give them a sense of community and belonging. She fears that if the left wasn't able to do that, then the would lose ground to a growing and passionate population of young rights. Again, I'm not as sure as she is, but it makes for some interesting reading.

Their Finest Hour by Sir Winston Churchill
Lets put it this way, I kept this one by my bed for when I couldn't sleep. Not exactly a read for the amateur historian hoping for a quick and interesting read about WWI. Perfect for a seasoned researcher looking for evidence of how the British High Command thought, felt, and reacted to the threat of German invasion in 1940-41.
Epic. I know.

I start my grad program in less than a month and probably will not be reading for leisure until next summer. Any suggestions I should take a look at before then?

summer reading part 1

2009-07-22T11:09:00.004-04:00

Even with the move I have found an abundance of time to read this summer. Now the the move has happened and I find myself again waiting (for grad school to start, to hear about job leads) I am reading more still. So, I thought I would give a little review of some of the books I've been reading, in no particular order:

Journey Towards Relevance by Kary Oberbrunner
I wasn't able to finish this book because I was borrowing a copy from my father-in-law and we moved before I finished so I had to give it back. I also read it at the beginning of the summer, so I'm not sure I remember all the details...or even the main point.
The basic premise is that often Christians choose to remain isolated from the world to the point of irrelevance or they are so caught up in being "with it" that they are indistinguishable from the world to the point of irrelevance. However, we are called to a higher standard of being in the world but not of.
Oberbrunner does a good job of arguing this much and with out the cynicism of many who write about the state of the church today. He is very honest in discussing his own temptation towards both extremes of irrelevance and even towards cynicism about the state of the church. He offers his insights as how how to find a balance between faith and culture.
This is the point at which I had to stop reading. So I cannot give a good critique of my thoughts. But since not much stuck with me beyond what I've written here I guess that is a critique in an of itself. I guess I didn't feel like he was saying anything new, but I appreciated the attitude with which he said it.

Knowing God by J.I. Packer
I guess this is one of those modern classics of Christian literature. It's basically theology in short doses and more importantly written in a meditative and devotional sort of way. I say most importantly, because if theology isn't presented to lay readers in a practical, every day, kind of way it tends to just be a dry book of theology that doesn't impact life. However, because it's written in a devotional sort of way and the author encourages and exhorts the reader to meditate on the readings I have found it to be an encouraging book to read.
Packer is real conservative in his theology and probably in his methodology of life, so there are points when reading that I think this guy is a little old school for me. I think there are enough variances with what he's saying and I think that it keeps me thinking critically as I read. There is enough congruence that I am able to mostly just think and mediate about his presentation of God as I read.

The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen
I just finished this book the other night, so it is more fresh in my mind. It is very different from Packers approach which is very systematic. Nouwen writes in a very contemplative sometimes stream of consciousness sort of way. Almost mystic. I think...I'm not really sure what that means.
The book is a reflection on the painting The Return of the Prodigal Son by Rembrant as well as the parable. Nouwen uses details and images from the painting to retell the story of the Prodigal Son. But he also tells us the story of the Older Brother and of the Father and of the bystanders (present in the painting). Reflections on each character reveal to us a bit about Nouwen's spiritual journey while offering insight into our own.
I think the most fascinating aspect of the book was Nouwen's comparison of Christ to each character in the story. Christ became the Prodigal for us. He left his Father's house, spent his goodness on earth, and returned so that we might also come home to the father. But Christ was also the dutiful older son who did all that his father asked and who was fully submitted to the father. And of course Christ was the father who welcomes us to him.
Nouwen also encourages us to see ourselves in each character, including that of the father. Being one who welcomes and offers forgiveness in the name of the Father.
A good contemplative read. In the first class of my grad program there are three of his books on the required reading list, so I'm sure I'll have more reflections from Nouwen.

Primal Leadership by Goleman, Boyatzis, and Mckee
I haven't finished with this book yet, but I'm about 1/3 the way through. Basically, this is how Emotional Intelligence is used in leadership. Not that it should be used or how to use it, but that it is used. We are emotional people and whether leaders or not we impact people emotionally. So, we should be aware of it. And if we want to improve as leaders we probably should learn to be self-controlled in our emotions and use them properly in our interactions with people.
The first 3rd of the book focuses on some really fascinating research explaining how and why all this happens. It's really very cool how God made our emotional centers in our brain and how or moods transmit to other people. A good read if you are in leadership of any kind, but I think could also be helpful in any human relationships.

Becoming Conversant with the Emergent Church by D.A. Carson
This book is really academic (an eighth to a quarter of each page is given to footnotes for citations). I honestly, have only read the first chapter. I plan to read the second and maybe the third. The rest of the book appears to be responses and critiques to major Emergent Church writers and writings that I haven't read. However, the first chapter was really helpful for someone like me who has heard oodles about the Emergent Movement but still really didn't understand it. It seems to be a hard thing to define. However, Carson's approach was very honest, rather neutral in assessment, and very much a summary of what Emergent's say they are. It is later in the book that he gives his evaluation. I found that helpful because I wanted to make up my own mind, but I needed to figure out what it was first. Carson also separates Emergent beliefs from methodology. This enabled me to see some of the strong benefits of the Emergent Church with out having to buy-in to all of the particular beliefs and philosophies of the movement, of which I am not comfortable.
That's all I'm able to say on this topic.

Well, that's half the books on my summer list. I'll post about the other half some time soon. Any thoughts, reactions, comments or queries?

opportunity of a lives time

2009-07-17T17:56:00.003-04:00

I saw this link and couldn't help but post it.

Kind of wish I thought of this scam first. Maybe I can offer a better interest rate.

saying hello

2009-07-12T17:36:00.003-04:00

Charlanne and I have arrived in Indiana.

With the help of her Dad, some nice friends, the good people at Budget Truck Rentals, and my meticulous packing system we packed, drove, arrived, and unpacked in a very organized and non-frustrating way. It was probably the easiest move in the history of man-kind. Well, maybe not. But nothing broke (okay one candle holder...but that's cause I put something heavy in the same box) and we really had the whole place (90%) unpacked and in it's place the same day we moved in.

Now we are in a rather large apartment. Large I suppose compared to what we had before. There is a strong urge to fill up the empty space with stuff. We're trying hard to resist that urge.
But it is also half the price of our place in Maryland. And food is much cheaper, as we are discovering. Our utilities are from a co-op, which I guess means they are cheaper (2nd lowest rates in Indiana...according to the lady at the electric company).

We are also now in a rather small town. Not just small compared to what we lived in before, but small in the sense that despite the fact we moved from here 3 years ago after school we have yet to leave the house and not see someone we know. Every single time we go someplace we have seen people we know. Some of those people remember us better than we remember them and it's hard to bring back the name. Sometimes it's somebody you sort of were acquainted with and you try to give them the "look of recognition" and either they pretend they don't see you or give you the "look of why are you winking like that is there something wrong with your face?"

Then there is what to do when there is mutual recognition. Last time there was interaction (3 years ago) it was appropriate in the relationship to give a quick "side hug of greeting". Is that still true? If I go for they hug and they go for the handshake will I look like the awkward touchy person? If I go for the handshake and they go for the hug will they think I don't like them any more? Am I the only one who thinks about these things? Maybe.

I went for the hug in church today and almost got gored by the poor guy expecting the handshake. I think from now on I'll go for the shake and if they seem disappointed I'll go in for the "clasp and hug" move. Much safer.

saying good bye

2009-06-17T12:49:00.004-04:00

A number of people have asked us how it feels to be moving on from this place and on to a new place.
There are a number of thoughts and feelings that come to mind.

Leaving school was more complicated than I imagined. I think I imagined I'd be skipping through the hall-way overjoyed that I was leaving the placed that drained so much life from me. However, I also invested so much of myself there. Over the last three years, that is the place you'd most likely find me, that is what I was mostly likely thinking about. Now, some of that was not good and that's the part I'm glad to be moving from. However, some of that time and energy was intentional and well spent. And now I'm just leaving. So, it's sad.
Of course, leaving the bad stuff makes me slightly delighted.

I'll be missing my wife's family. They are just great people. I don't think any body has better in-laws than I do. Seriously, they are amazing. And they don't even know I blog, so I'm not just trying to suck up.

I know my wife will be missing her family. She's trying to be brave about it right now, but I think it will come out more, the closer we get to departure. I obviously can't blame her.

I have been a bit transient when it comes to church over the past three years, so I don't know that I'll miss much there. Of course, there are individuals who I will miss and want to keep in contact with. But I don't feel that I'll be missing a church body. I hope that changes in the next season of life.

Going into education and wanting to get into work at a college, I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I'll always be saying goodbye to people. Essentially, it's like saying good bye to a quarter of the people I know, every May. That's a hard concept, but I also think God has given both Charlanne and I the capacity to say good bye with out doing major emotional damage to us. It does leave me a bit cynical when students tell me they will keep in touch (with me and each other). I know the reality that the season of our being together has drawn to a close and a new season of life (for both of us) is here, and that season doesn't include us being together.

However, I always appreciate the time of reflection that saying good bye brings. It is good to recall joys and sorrows and growth and movement and the constant dynamic of relationship. And there is something good and natural about seeing those things. I think God created us to celebrate endings and beginnings. I think that's why he gave us the "sense" of nostalgia. To remind us of things that once were and to show us that growth has taken place, even when we may want life to remain static.

I don't want life to be static.

disturb us

2009-06-15T15:48:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I forget my parents are human. My Dad sent this to me this week...

Disturb us, Lord when we are too well pleased with ourselves, when our dreams have come true because we have dreamed too little, when we arrive safely because we have sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when with the abundance of things we possess, we have lost out thirst for the waters for life; having fallen in love with life, we have ceased to dream of eternity; and in our efforts to build a new earth, we have allowed our vision of the new heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly, to venture on wider seas where storms will show your mastery; where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars. We ask you to push back the horizons of our hopes; and push us into the future in strength, courage, hope and love.

-Sir Frances Drake, circa 1590

Cool.

the next step

2009-06-10T17:01:00.002-04:00

School is over. The move out date for the apartment is set. The truck is reserved. We are leaving Frederick, MD.

I had expected to get a particular job. I was really sure. Pretty much all my eggs in one basket.

I didn't get the job.

Charlanne was offered a great job. So, we can pay our bills.

Still, I was a bit shocked.

I remember that feeling. I was surprised I didn't get the job I really wanted when I first graduated from Grace. Everyone assured me I would be a great candidate. But then, no offers. Lots of resumes and a few interviews later and nothing.
After working a few months as a teacher I realized I hadn't been ready for that sort of job. I was almost glad not to have gotten a job in that field. Of course, then I got married and was really happy I came to Maryland.

So, now I feel the same twinge of disappointment. Confusion.

Really, God? I don't know that there has been much else that I've prayed so hard or specifically for. (Which might tell you a few things about my priorities...) And I got nothin.

But I've been here before...

All of this is intertwined with the feelings I have about leaving my job as a teacher and leaving Maryland.

I put a great deal of energy into this job over the last three years. A great deal. (Again, this might tell you something about my priorities...) It's okay for me to feel a sense of grieving. And delight. Yeah, I've been wanting to leave here. Yeah, I'm a little sad.

A swirl of thoughts and emotions. That's where I'm at right now.

Not really sure where else to be.

man enough?

2009-05-21T16:26:00.002-04:00

Interesting post/hopefully discussion on masculinity on my friend's blog.

(Okay, seriously last post)

celebrations

2009-05-21T15:59:00.003-04:00

My students teach me many thing.

How to forge the principle's signature.
How to set up a facebook account.
How to fill an entire locker bay with balloons in under 20 minutes.

But recently, they have taught me to celebrate.

The seniors in my world history class got up and walked out of class. All of them.
Then, in about 30 seconds they returned with food, drinks, a cake, a banner, and a gift.
They wanted to celebrate the coming end of the year.
And they probably didn't want to do any work...

Through out the week seniors have said, "This is our last Monday" or "This is our last test" or "This is the last..."(you name it).
I have to remind myself they are seniors that are attempting to relish their final moments in a place they things is the end all and be all.

As the end of this school year, job, possibly career, and season of life in Frederick, MD comes to a close I've been very focused on what's next. In fact, so focused on what's next that I'm missed paying attention to what's here. I've been thinking that the "next" place is the right place. The end all and be all. Again, I'm missing what is here.

Here are opportunities.
Here are small and big joys.
Here are reasons to worship and praise.
Here are reasons to celebrate.

So, with two school days left and only 15 days left on my contract, I'm going to do my best to stop and look around. And celebrate.

(This is my last post as a teacher!)

waiting...

2009-05-14T14:19:00.003-04:00

Right now, we're waiting.

Waiting to find out about a job.

I also feel like I'm just waiting for the end of this school year, but I really want to be more pro-active than just waiting. Honestly, it's come much quicker than expected.

I have had some great conversation with kids recently. It's what I hoped for in this last term and I'm glad I have been pro-active and I'm glad they have been responsive to questions and some lessons meant to prompt discussions. I'm also amazed at how much some students have matured and grown. Are these really the same kids?

I'm glad I've had this season of life. I hope to continue to make the most of it.

12 more days.

fathered by god

2009-04-25T18:52:00.003-04:00

My wife and I are big fans of John Eldredge. So when he came to the area we made it a point to go and hear him speak.

It turns out he was speaking a book that he had previously written, The Way of the Wild Heart. However, no one read it. So, he re-released it in a trimmed down version. This new book, Fathered By God, follows the same plan as the previous book, in that it walks the reader through the various stages of the masculine journey.

Eldredge sets out his various phases and explains how each phase is crucial. How men must be initiated into each phase by their fathers. How fathers are so vital to the development of whole and holy men. But what happens when dad was checked out? Or when dad did all he could but wounds still came from peers or the enemy. Then what? That, according to Eldredge, is when we allow ourselves to be fathered by God.

Most guys are okay with Jesus. He's a coold guy. He came and died for us. He get's temptation. He understands weakness. But God? He's kind of...distant. Maybe old. Mabe angry. But, mostly someplace else.

I've talked with a number of guys who see things this way, and I have to say that's usually how I see things too. There could be a whole host of reasons why, but the point is I do. It isn't accurate. But after years of thinking this way it's hard to switch.

I think that's why I appreciate Eldredge's message. Regardless of the type of father we have or how high we might rate on the "Macho" scale, he reminds us that God is still there, desiring to initate us into wholeness and holiness.

Check out the book, or the pod cast on his website.

the update

2009-04-05T17:05:00.003-04:00

It has been a long while since posting. I suspect that my two blog followers were anxious for my next post. Sorry to keep you waiting.

In the past month and half I have been doing some cool stuff, some mundane stuff, some heavy stuff, some hopeful stuff and some waiting stuff.

Cool Stuff

I took a few field trips with my government class. One to the White House we were unexpectedly blessed to be able to see the president depart on Marine One. He waved. We cheered. We took lots of crappy pictures on our camera phones.

The rest of the day was pretty much me dragging a bunch of disinterested 16 year olds around the city to the Capitol and the Supreme Court. What were they most interested in? Seeing how close they could stand to the edge of the platform in the metro station.

Neat.

A second, less cool field trip, was to the Pentagon.

We walked about a mile while our tour guide walked backwards the entire time! We passed a bunch of neat looking stuff but couldn't stop and look lest we be escorted out the building. One chaperon was sternly warned when we stopped at a drinking fountain.

Hanging out at Union Station was fun.

Mundane Stuff

I really dislike that my days feel to repeat themselves endlessly. I often think that in some other job/life things could be different. I think in truth, everyone experiences this. I just wish it weren't so.

However, some rather mundane things that I have enjoyed over the past few weeks include:

Taking walks with Char in the warmer weather

Reading an interesting book about Lincoln and his cabinet

Watching the 4th Season of Scrubs on DVD

Playing Settlers of Catan with my wife (we figured out how to make it work with just two players...and if you haven't discovered to sensation that is Settlers of Catan...a board game...then you're missing out)

Heavy Stuff

Char's grandfather is dying.

I'm learning what it means to comfort in this time.

Hopeful Stuff

I recently announced to my students that I will not be returning next year. They were very gracious in their responses to me. I feel honored to have had the chance to get to know this great group of people. I hope that I am able to keep track of a few to find out how God is going to use them to impact the world.

I have began the process of applications to a grad school program. I suck at finishing the essays. There are three of them. I suppose I'd better get used to writing in case I actually get accepted. More on the program later.

We are looking to move...somewhere. Not sure where. Sending out applications for Resident Director positions at a few colleges.

Waiting Stuff

And this is where the waiting stuff comes in. Waiting to hear back from schools. Waiting to hear back from follow-ups. Waiting to find out where we're going to be, and wondering if we did a stupid thing by announcing our decision to leave with out actually having a place to go.

Char has to give her two months notice at the end of April. That's this current month. We're a little freaked out to do that not knowing where we will be heading in two months.

So, we're waiting.

So that's the update. I suppose I have tons more thoughts on the above subjects. However, that would turn this long post into an expectation for future frequent posts...and that I cannot promise.

So, until next time.

who is jesus christ?

2009-02-20T09:47:00.002-05:00

So, someone asked a very good question in regards to my last post.

Who does Rob Bell say Jesus is?

And isn't that just the best way to evaluate an author?

I think it cuts through so much of the details in which we get caught. It helps us clarify the important issues. The major on the majors and minor on the minors.

So thanks, Scott. You have always had a way of helping me cut through my own clutter.

I did some research and found an answer. I must presume it would be Rob Bell's answer to the question because it was on his church's website as part of their statement of theology.

"Jesus the Messiah, conceived by the Holy Spirit and born of a virgin, mysteriously God
having become flesh. Jesus came to preach good news to the poor, to bind up the brokenhearted and set captives free, proclaiming a
new arrival of the Kingdom of God, bringing about a New Exodus, and restoring our fractured world"

"Jesus is our only hope for bringing peace and reconciliation between God and
humans. Through Jesus we have been forgiven and brought into right relationship with God. God is now reconciling us to each other, ourselves, and creation. The Spirit of God affirms as children of God all those who trust Jesus."

So. I'm still trying to figure out his New Exodus Theology. But from what I understands he believe Christ to be the some of God, the only hope for redemption. Even if I don't agree with the grid through which he filter's scriptural interpretation, I can still read and process his ideas with an open mind. Of course, I think we should do that even with ideas to which I am highly opposed.

jesus wants to save christians

2009-02-01T13:40:00.003-05:00

I don't think I'm really ready to comment on this book. I've finished reading it, but I'm a bit of a processor. Sometimes an idea has to sit with me for a while before I am really able to understand it, or understand what I think about it.
Rob Bell is one of those "targets" for people who want to be able to put everyone into some sort of category. Emergent, Postmodern, Heretical. But I'm not sure he fits.
I've read all of Rob Bell's books and have been challenged by each and every one of them. I've grown as a result of them. I've been slightly confused by most of them. I've also been confused by the number of Christians who have attacked them and him.
The basic idea of this book is that he is presenting a new grid for viewing scripture based on the work of some theologian from Wales. He makes the approach simplified so the common person, even non-Christian can understand.
I hardly understand the views I grew up with or have been exposed to - dispensational, covenantal, etc. And I don't always understand how they lead to various understandings of salvation and end times guesses.
I do know that Rob Bells presentation makes sense and makes connections about things I've never seen connected. He does this by explaining the culture in which the text was written and the underlying meaning of certain symbols and terms that are missed in modern culture.
I'm pretty wishy-washy on some doctrinal issues, so I'm probably not the best source of critique. But I think Bell helps people understand context and content. I think, though, that he seems to purposefully avoid emphasizing the role of repentance in salvation. But I think he would also see salvation as a process and less as an event. A view with which I am becoming more comfortable.

If you've read the book I'd love to hear your thoughts. I may post more of mine as I process.

a break, big crowds, and a book

2009-01-22T19:29:00.002-05:00

Clearly, the holidays were not a good time for my blogging life. Lack of routine perhaps.

They were however, a wonder break. I had two full weeks of school off. Time to enjoy my wife, my family, and friends. And of course food. Is it vanity that I care that I gained two pounds in the last month? I know it's only two pounds...but I actually exercised over the last month. Stink.

Anyway.

The most recent adventure Char and I had was a trip down to D.C. for the Inauguration. Yes, we were one of the crazy people attempting to crowd the nations capital for an event better viewed on television.

It isn't that we're big Obama fans. Though, I don't think we were freaked out by his election as many Christian's I know. It is more that we are here, had the opportunity, and wanted to see if we could. We won't always live here so we might as well take advantage of it now.

We had the good fortune of having tickets into one of the close-up viewing areas. (It is nice to have students with parents who are well connected) However, we had the poor fortune of being one of the hundreds, perhaps thousands, who did not get into the section for which they had tickets. It still isn't clear why. We think it was a malfunctioning security system that led to officials just closing the gate.

Despite that disappointment we were still closer than we would have gotten if we had not had the tickets and pursued other viewing areas, long full before we even made it into the city.

I received Obama's first autobiography/memoir for Christmas and I hoped to have it read by the time of the Inauguration. That didn't happen. I can't say much about the book at this point. I will say that if you think he's a smooth speaker, you should read his writing.

I received a whole slew of good books for Christmas that I look forward to reading and posting. No, New Year's resolutions so I can't promise to be more consistent with posting. But I'll do what I can.

year one

2008-12-28T13:27:00.002-05:00

In wealthy and in poverty.
In sickness and in health.
In sorrow and in joy.
For better for for worse.
To have and to hold.
As long as we both shall live.

This is my solemn covenant.

hyphen

2008-11-24T08:30:00.004-05:00

This week I am back in Indiana. I cam early for Thanksgiving because a relative passed away. Of course, it was a sad occasion to return back to Indiana, but I've found the unexpected break to be much needed. It has provided time for contemplation. And if nothing else a quite 10 hour car ride.
The funeral service was very short and focused. However, one comment the minister made stuck in my mind more than anything. He mentioned that one gravestones it lists a name and two dates separated by a hyphen. A date marking birth and a date marking death. And a hyphen. To sum up everything else.
I was reminded about the brief whisper that life is. I strain so much for what happens in the here and now. And it's all so short. So very short. Summed up by a hyphen.
What could life be like if I realized that more often. That life isn't about the here and now. That all this struggling and straining is so useless. That the only thing that lasts beyond the second date is that which contributes to someone else's hyphen. That which contributes to "kingdom" work.
That sound real cliche-ish, but I'm not sure how else to describe what I'm thinking.
At first, I wanted to think about how unfair it was that a hyphen is all we get. But I realized that was more than just selfish, it was also pretty wrong. We get more. At least, we're offered more. We just choose to hold on to the material and the temporal, sacrificing the eternal. It's a pretty pathetic trade, but I do it every day.
I worry about the details. I save pennies out of fear. I indulge in excess because it feels good. I am a prisoner of the clock and a schedule. I miss out on relationships. I don't spend the extra minute on the phone with my wife. I move from class to class with out giving a second thought to the students who sit in the room. I'm focused on the curriculum, the next quiz, the next test, the next chapter. Why? I'm driven by the here and now. The tyranny of the temporal, as my grandfather days.
And I'm self-centered.
The tyranny of self.

painful love

2008-11-13T16:47:00.006-05:00

I don't think I've quoted C.S. Lewis on this site yet. It isn't possible to claim to be an introspective, wanna-be intellectual (albeit bad speller), christian if you haven't quoted C.S. Lewis on your quasi-contemplative blog. But I found this passage from Lewis's, The Problem of Pain, which I tried to read once, but then stopped. I feel that I got most of what he was saying. Really, I read most of it, I just for some reason never finished it. Don't judge me.
Anyway, given my recent thoughts on transformation I thought this quote, though lengthy, was fitting.

Everyone has noticed how hard it is to turn our thoughts to God when everything
is going well with us. We "'have all we want' is a terrible saying when "'all'"
does not include God. We find God an interruption... Now God, who has made us,
knows what we are and that our happiness lies in Him. Yet we will not seek it in
him as long as He leaves us any other resort where it can even plausibly be
looked for. While what we call "'our own life'" remains agreeable we will not
surrender it to Him. What then can God do in our interests but make 'our own
life' less agreeable to us, and take away the plausible source of false
happiness? It is just here, where God's providence seems at first to be most
cruel, that the Divine humility, the stooping down of the Highest, most deserves
praise."

A wise counselor said to me once that I was pretty self-centered. He didn't use those words, in fact he did the exact opposite and identified with my pain and then gave me a suggestion for managing that pain. Praise. However, if properly entered into it isn't long before one comes to the clear conclusion that the issues that cause so much trouble relate directly to the self-centered-ness from which those issue emanate. Pain is caused by self-centered-ness. My self-centered-ness acting on myself, or your self-centered-ness acting on me, or Adam's self-centered-ness acting on all of us. In my experience, true praise and self-centered-ness don't mix well.
It is a transforming thing to move beyond the self-centered focus of my own pain and enter into praise. Thanksgiving. Worship.
The problem of course is that I prefer my self-centered-ness. It's comfortable. It's familiar. It's natural. Worship is a very unnatural act for my self-centered self.
Lewis alludes to the fact that once we recognize the transforming purpose of pain in our life and the author of the transformation, the recognition should be followed by (leads to) praise.
I must keep in mind the author of the transformation and the severe kindness with which that author writes if I am to enter into worship and be transformed.

It seems that God's love is a problematic love.

his commitment

2008-11-02T15:55:00.005-05:00

My wife and I are reading a book together by John Eldredge called Walking With God. If you've read any two John Eldredge books, you've read any two John Eldredge books. I don't say that as a slam. Despite some of my ultra reformed friends, I think he views life and God and the heart with a healthy mysticism. He also has a theme that all of his books flow from. Again, I think this is good.
So, in one section of the book Eldredge states, "God is deeply committed to your transformation."
It's a really simple statement. But this particular book is a really simple book. And sometimes simple is needed to cut through clutter. So when I read this really simple statement, it stopped me.
God is deeply committed to my transformation.
It means God is more committed to my transformation than to my comfort.
It means God is more committed to my transformation than I am.
It means God is more committed to my transformation than I wish he was.

Do I fight against God's work of transformation in my life? Yeah. A lot.

Why? Probably, going back to my earlier statement. God is more committed to my transformation than to my comfort.

I really want to be comfortable, and right now I'm struggling against anything that is not comfortable. Work. A particular relationship. Finances.

Why is it so hard to remember that transformation is so much better, so much deeper, so much richer, and truly what I want?

I'll have more thoughts on this transformation theme. In the meantime, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

oh, the placed you'll go

2008-10-19T15:34:00.004-04:00

One of the books I enjoy reading to the seniors every year is a fantastic book by Dr. Suess entitled, Oh, The Places You'll Go. It's a whimsical version of a valedictorian speech, in Suess-like prose.

I got to thinking about my own group of friends (peeps, as the young people say) and where we are now. Some of my friends from back home are exactly (sadly) in the places I saw them heading. Some are doing exactly (happily) what they hoped to be doing. Some aren't doing what they planned but are in a much better place. And some are so far off the map of what was expected that I'm not even sure how they got there.

Well. I do know. I know they got where they are at by making lots of little choices. In fact, it's how we all got to be where we are. (Read The Best Question Ever by Andy Stanley...I know Scott, I did diss it at one point, but you were right.)

I have never had the opportunity of attending a high school class reunion, mostly because I haven't been out of high school for ten years and that's traditionally when the first one is held. But, when I do have the opportunity to attend I'm sure this question will resurface. How did we get here? And how did we not see this coming?

I'm a very different person from who I was in high school. For one, I don't have a desire to murder my classmates anymore (can I write that?). And secondly, I have had a pretty major heart transformation since then. I've found purpose, I've found meaning, I've found my values, a vision and my calling. I've discovered that there is life beyond me and the small town in which I grew up.

My brother and I don't agree on much, but what we do agree on is that we're glad that we chose for a time in our lives to move away from the small town we grew up. To experience something bigger than Osceola, Indiana. (Though, I heard they got a new used car lot...bringing the total up to 12)

The unexpected places that life and God takes us aren't all that unexpected when you look at the little choices we've made. But, I'm also pretty thankful for the big choices that have led me to where I am. And have led some of my old friends where they are.

Little choices. It's a point I can't emphasis enough with the seniors in my classes. It's also something I need to remind myself of as I look towards the close of one season of life and the beginning of another.

Jesus Is My Friend

2008-10-06T15:25:00.003-04:00

Some things are meant to be taken seriously. Some things are not.

elusive satisfation

2008-10-06T14:46:00.004-04:00

I could love my job if I didn't think about it to much. I think about everything to much.

I recently took this ridiculously mentally intrusive and challenging skill/personality/strengths assessment. It took about 4 hours and probed just about every area of my brain. I love doing stuff like that, and was happy to receive a 35 page print out that gave me a new insights into how I think and learn. (Amazingly, as a teacher I've never taken any sort of assessment that told me what my learning style is.) Anyway, I've processes this whole test and the results with my wife (who aside from being in the counseling business is also much smarter than I) and one of her supervisors who does this stuff for a living.

All of that to say I've identified why teaching and why teaching at the particular place I teach is frequently a source of frustration for me. They way I'm wired comes into conflict with the institutional culture where I work. My wiring also comes into conflict with the skills necessary to be a beginning teacher. The thing is, I'm wired very well to be an experienced teacher. Does that make sense? Basically, I identified how I have spent most of my time the last 2-3 years. I broke down the job into its various parts and identified which parts of the job I hate and which parts I can tolerate but aren't driving and which parts make me want to get out of bed in the morning. (Even if you never take a super long and ubber expensive test it's an activity I recommend for everyone.) I think I was surprise to see that most of what I do, I find mentally and emotionally draining.

However, I'm not a brand-new teacher anymore and so my role has changed. I'm not spending countless hours doing work I hate. I'm spending very few hours doing that sort of work. In fact, so few hours, that when I do that sort of work (like creating a new set of lecture notes, making a worksheet, grading papers) it feels more like a novelty than drudgery. I spend so much more time being the creative teacher that I'd always hoped I'd be able to be. As a result, I'm less stressed, less irritated and less annoyed by those...what are they again? Oh, yeah. Students.

If I didn't know any better I'd say I accidentally stumbled upon job satisfaction. Maybe. There are questions that still haunt me.
1. I'm satisfied by my job, but as I look at the big picture of what I do, is it really scratching the itch of what I think I was created to be and to be about?
2. All the things I like about my job are still distracted by all the things I have to do in my job. Is there something out there that lets me do what I'm really driven to do with out the other distracting stuff?
3. Am I searching for a job that doesn't actually exist? Is my immaturity and youth clouding my judgment?
4. If I never go out and search for that "something else" will I regret it?
5. Will there ever be a time in my life when I am this debt free, this unencumbered, and this supported? Isn't this as good a time as any to make a worth-while mistake, while the stakes are low.

I think I understand that not risking is not an option. The issue is one of timing. And if the time isn't right, then I'd like to think that this is still the time for preparation. And if it is a time for preparation, what am I missing while I was wishing I was somewhere else?

two thoughts

2008-09-28T18:40:00.004-04:00

There is only 18% power left on my laptop battery and I left the cord at school, so this will be a short post. But, since it's a goal of mine to post at least once a week, I thought I would do that before it died.

I've had two thoughts turning around in my mind:

1. Given all the recent uproar about the economy (and the fact that being close to D.C. I know people who know people who know things...they've told me what they know... and I somehow feel less safe knowing our congressmen are on top of the problem) and the panic with failing banks and all I keep thinking that maybe everything I say to myself and my students about where our treasure should be... is about to be tested. Not that I have a ton of wealth to lose should the economy collapse. I am however, aware that both I and my wife's jobs depend on wealthy people having extra cash around they don't mind spending. (Listen to Gratitude by Nicole Nordman)

2. I was reminded of the verse in the Gospels about how from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. I'm wondering to what else that applies. Certainly, not just speech. But also actions as well. Right? It makes much sense. But I don't know that I ever made that connection before. But I think, if I were to explore that idea a little more, I would find that living the life God calls me to live requires a lot less guilt and despair than I've been using to strive for that life. Not achieving, just striving. I hate striving.

I'm down to 15%. So I should go. Any thoughts on the two subjects? Maybe, I'll post more on them if I am able to during the week.

concert

2008-09-21T17:57:00.006-04:00

My wife and I went to a Switchfoot concert last week. It was pretty fantastic.
The openers were Jars of Clay and the Robert Randolph band. Third Day was also there.
It was pretty sad to see Jars of Clay as now somewhat old men trying desperately to appear like a boy band. People only really got into the old stuff.
The Robert Randolph band was a menagerie (SAT word) of soul, funk, rock, and gospel. Highly intriguing. I'm never seen anyone jam to an electric auto-harp.
Switchfoot was simply amazing. Jon Forman. The man writes poetry and then rocks out to it, in a way that let's you know life is bigger than all this. If you haven't heard any of his acoustic stuff I HIGHLY recommend you check out a four disk set each titled and themed for the four seasons.
Finally, Third Day closed out the night. I haven't kept up with Third Day in a while, though I used to be a big fan. I was sad that I didn't know much of what they were playing. But I did like what I heard.
I know I won't always live in place where such cultural experiences are as frequent or possible, not that Christian Rock concerts are the ultimate in cultural experiences, but it's nice to take advantage while we're here. It helps excuse the ridiculous amounts of traffic at the most random times.

fall

2008-09-21T17:37:00.002-04:00

I know I don't talk about the deepest topics on this site, and I'm aware that discussing the weather ranks up there as one of the shallowest levels of conversation known to man, but I also think great joy can be discovered when we look at the simple things of life. I have found great joy in the season of fall.
My wife and I look forward to the changing of summer into Autumn. The cool air, the finally comfortable feel of pants, great colors, and for me, the fantastic tastes of fall foods.
Recently, our local Wawa (like a 7-11 on steroids) started selling Pumpkin Spiced Latte. I realize that a latte purchased at a gas-station convenience store is not on the same level as a Starbucks. Or any other fine retailer for that matter. However, it's about the simple things. I was already addicted to Wawa's chai, which I'll admit is mostly just sugar with a dash of caffeine. But Wawa has taken it to a new level with this pumpkin jazz. And when you mix the two together? People...it's as if God whispers in your ear, "this is a little taste of heaven...right here in a gas-station".
Ben Franklin once said that beer was living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Perhaps, but I think Pumpkin Spiced Latte/Chai from Wawa is living proof that we don't need to be drunk to be happy. It's all about the little things.
Perhaps, that's why I like fall so much. There ae so many little things to be happy about. My wife just switched all the fruity-summer candles in the house to spicy smelling fall candles. I didn't even realize such a switch was possible. But again, a little thing like that makes coming home feel like I've just eaten warm cookies.
Ok, I'm done with my rant about fall. Thought I'll just throw in one last little thing to find joy in...sweatshirts...WHOO HOO!
Enjoy the changing of the seasons. Seasons change a lot in life, metaphorically speaking. Somethings things have to fade away to be renewed. Fall reminds me of that.

ah, controversy

2008-09-12T16:54:00.002-04:00

I posted once before on The Shack. Here is the alternative point of view. Any thoughts on his arguments?

Peter

different sort of church

2008-09-07T18:02:00.004-04:00

My wife and I have done a great deal of thinking about church over the summer. For a number of reasons, none of which I will go into here. However, one of the products of our discussion is that we determined to visit churches that we wouldn't normally attend. For example, though not because of this decision, we visited a Unitarian Universalist church. We were regaled with a choir that sang such well know works as, "I've got big ovaries baby". What? You haven't heard of that one? But you could see why someone might sing it at church, right?
Today, we had the exciting opportunity to visit an Eastern Orthodox church just outside of Baltimore (which the locals pronounce Baldmore...gets me every time) We didn't go it alone, thankfully, (which I don't recommend) but instead went with a friend of ours who is more experienced in the Orthodox traditions.
My first sensory-related experience upon entering the building was a dark smokey feel and a strong but not overwhelming smell of incense. The sanctuary was a small vaulted room, with a higher dome over the alter. Icons lined the wall as well as candles, and the center of the room was empty with only large carpets on the floor. There were chairs on the edge of the room. However, most people stand for the service, which lasts about two hours. Everything, and I mean everything, but the homily (sermon) is sung or chanted, even the reading of scripture. Everything is also read. It is a very interactive service with calls and responses, hymns, and congregational songs sung in response to what the priest has said or done. There is much "crossing" (making the sign of the cross from the gut to the forehead and then from shoulder to shoulder) at the mention of the Trinity.
It was an experience of another culture to be sure. However, our guide had sufficiently instructed us and so I wasn't taken back by anything, even when I was greeted with three kisses by a complete stranger. I was actually, surprised how not out of place I felt, even though there were times when I was clearly not doing what everyone else was doing. For example, when everyone got down on their needs and put their forehead on the ground prostrate before God. I determined not to do anything I didn't understand. It seemed as if the people around us were very ok with that. And were friendly just the same. (Like I said, a complete stranger kissed me) I wonder how many times I look awkwardly at a guest in my church who clearly doesn't get the fact that they are out of sync with what's going on.
Overall, I was impressed by the reflective nature of the service, the vast amount of scripture used in the service (for a two hour service there better be), and the rich allusions to theology...even if I'm not on board with all of it. Clearly, these people have a respect for the Trinity and the person and nature of Christ.
I don't know if I'll ever have the reason or chance to attend an Eastern Orthodox service again, but I am happy to have had the world-view widening experience of worshipping with these people. I also recommend the experience, if you have done the research going into the service to know all that will take place. Or go with someone who knows what's going on. Otherwise, you'll just look confused.

new school year

2008-09-01T12:06:00.003-04:00

The end of the summer has arrived and once again I've climbed back into the role of teacher. I don't really know what it's like in other professions (my stint in food service was either to short or to despised) but in helping professions like teaching your work becomes your identity. This actually used to annoy me even more than it does now. I'd see cheesy teacher slogans with apples and bears and little school houses attached and feel a bit wierd. I'm either used to it now, or have also began to identify a bit more with the profession. I think both options scare me a bit.

I don't particularly love the profession of teaching. I don't enjoy doing the drudge work of lesson planning or grading papers or enforcing school rules (and since I teach at a private school there is an abundance of rules). I don't enjoy interacting with parents, I don't enjoy interacting with the adminstration (a common thread among teachers) I don't enjoy text books, I don't enjoy making worksheets, I don't enjoy writing notes for lectures. I HATE that I have to teach six different subjects (all in the realm of social studies/history) and am expected to be a bit of an expert on each. I HATE that in the culture I work rules and appearancs are considered more than grace and heart motives. I HATE that the goal is more about doing it right and spinning the issues when we mess up than about admitting we're weak and celebrating people. The more I think about it, there are more things about teaching I just don't enjoy and if I think about these things for to long I get really depressed. Really depressed.

Nearing the end of the school year last March, I realized I NEEDED to identify things that I loved about teaching, lest I burn out and hate my students and myself. So I made a list and posted it on my desk to look at whenever I was having one of those days.

I enjoy the act of teaching. I enjoy the relationships with students. I enjoy the moments I have to mentor. I enjoy the opportunity to always learn new things.

It isn't that I just kind of enjoy those things, I REALLY enjoy those things. I am almost driven by those things. Even though the second list is shorter than the first, the second list has more weight in my soul than the first.

But the first list does wear on me. It wears on me a lot. Sometimes I don't know how to handle it.

There will be a day when I will no longer be a teacher, at least not a profession. Today I am a teacher. And, whether I like it or not, it is more than my profession.

The Shack by William P. Young

2008-08-18T16:56:00.002-04:00

I don't read much fiction, but had heard a bit of a buzz recently about this book. I also don't read what I hear a lot of buzz about. However, I just spent a week in a cabin and the book was there so I read it.
If you haven't heard much about the book, apparently it is causing some stir among Christian's, specifically evangelicals who take issue with some of the liberties taken by the author. Evangelicals taking issue with something? Who would have thought.
I won't ruin much by telling you what I am about the post, but if you really want to read the book "unspoiled" don't continue reading.
The first thing most people, not just evangelicals, would take issue with is the fact that in the book, God is portrayed as a woman. Not just a woman, but a large African woman. Jesus is portrayed as male, though middle eastern (what? I thought he was white?) And the holy spirit...when it demonstrates itself as a person is an Asian woman...sort of.
However, I think the author did the right thing in his portrayal. You would have to read about the background of the main character, Mack, in order to understand why. The author also spends a great deal of time "pre-empting" the critics by explaining that God is neither male nor female, but from his character both can be reflected, each with a specific role and function and purpose. In the book, the main character just happened to need the role and function of a motherly figure.

So enough about defending the author. I'm sure he can do that better than I can anyway.

I liked the book. I was a quick, but emotional read. It had a good story that kept me engaged. And it reminded me about elements of God's character that I to often forget. Namely, that he is relational. Much emphasis was placed on the relational character of God. From relationship flows love. But also from that relationship flows "otherness" which can also be defined as holiness. So i don't think the author leaned to far to the "God is love" side of the spectrum at the sacrifice of the "God is Holy/wholly other" side of the spectrum. But there I go defending the author, again. However, this is my own junk that I wrestle with in reading/viewing interpretations of God.

So, God's relational-ness. It was a good reminder. A reminder of his constant presence. Not in a way that says he's always watching for me to screw up, but in a way that says he's always with me in my times of need...which are ever expanding.

It was also good to see a God who is providentially at work, and yet truly with us in our pain, that He arguably could have prevented. Our relationship to God in the midst of pain was a major theme in the book. I think in this area the book goes above and beyond Christian platitudes and shallow answers to show real wrestling and questioning. Coming from someone who tends to ignore my own questions towards and about God in favor of the status quo (I'm trying to change) I think the book does a remarkable job in hitting on the questions normal people, not just theologians, ask.

If you have the opportunity to read the book, I recommend it. Again, it is a quick read, but because it deals with the issue of pain, it isn't a light read. I think you will walk away with a desire for a deeper and more authentic relationship with the triune-God.

If you do read it, I'd love to hear your comments regarding it. Even if you think I'm a heretic for having read it.

social weirdness

2008-08-09T11:55:00.003-04:00

I was standing in Barnes and Nobles last night perusing the New Non-fiction and had picked up a book, when a guy across the table commented on the book I was reading (it was about this guy who had waited tables and was now complaining about the restaurant business).
Guy: So, were you a server?
Me: Yeah. I can connect with a bit about what this guy is saying
I turned back to my book, but realized this guy is still in full fledged conversation mode and was looking at me still. So I figured it would be polite to ask him a follow up question.
Me: So were you a server?
Guy: Yep. Now I'm serving him. (he nods in the general direction of up)
Me: what?
Guy: (nods in the general upward direction)
Me: Oh, right
Me in my mind: Dang it, he's speaking Christianize...I'm really out of practice here

So we have this conversation. Standing in the book store.
I don't really want to have this conversation. I just want a nice quiet night in a book store. He's talking to me about his life and his goals and his church and all the fun things he and his Christian friends do. Oh, and everything was "awesome".
Guy: I like you're shirt, where'd you get it?
Me: I think I got this in high school from my youth group
Guy: Awesome!
-----
Guy: So what college did you go to?
Me: Grace College...it's in Indiana...near...nothing
Guy: Indiana...awesome!
-----
Guy: So what's your name?
Me: Peter
Guy: Peter? Awesome!
Me in my mind: Really? Why is that "awesome" exactly? And have I just given you enough information for you to go on-line and steal my identity?

So this conversation kept going on, kind of like that. Several times he told me he'd love to stand and talk with me. I noticed. I didn't want to stand and talk with him.

I kind of feel like I'm complaining because someone was nice to me.

But I never know what to do with socially awkward.

The only connection this guy had with me was that we were both Christians. I've realized lately that when other Christians find out I'm a Christian I secretly get disappointed. I want to see how they treat me when they don't know. Because I think Christian's treat people differently based on whether or not they know if the other person is "one of them". But I have a hard time figuring this out. Partly, because inevitably someone will ask me what I do and then where I work. I feel bad lying, so I'm honest and tell them I work at a Christian school. At that point their face lightens up, because now they know I'm "one of them".

Recently, my wife and I have been visiting various churches in the area. Not so much because we're looking to leave our current church, but we're very curious about other churches in the area. This has given me the opportunity to try and test my theory. I can see it in the people's eyes as they approach us. "Ooh! visitors! Do we need to save their souls or can we get them to teach Sunday school?" I think I hate it more when they just want me to teach Sunday school, especially when they find out I'm a teacher. Of course, there have also been times when after just a few brief encounters or moments with a person they assumed I needed to be saved. I'll be honest, I'm not sure how after our brief encounter they determined that I needed to "get saved", but they did. It was a bit insulting. Which is why you should never leave your server a track(is it track or tract?), unless you leave a really big tip.

This is long. Maybe I'll write more on this stuff later.
For now, can we all just be a bit more aware of how we Christian's act? Salt and light yes. Weird and socially awkward? Not so sure.

helping a person

2008-08-06T11:15:00.004-04:00

I can feel this post is going to be a long one...just thought I'd warn you.

I've been mentoring this kid for a few months. The goal was to help him get his GED since he had to drop out of high school(another long story). He (I'll call him Jon) has a whole bunch of issues, problems, layers of complexity that make his situation, well, complex. He's a typical 18 year old in many respects, and yet he's seen more hardships than people twice his age. So, in one sense my time with Jon was pretty straight forward - help him get his GED. In another sense, it's a weird experience dealing with all the complexities of his bruised and wounded heart.

A few weeks ago, Jon realized the environment of his apartment was one he should leave. His roommates agreed and told him he needed to be out by the end of the month. Jon, like a typical 18 year old, didn't have much of a plan, but that was ok. He had a job, he had money in his wallet, and has always been a survivor. Then his wallet gets stolen. Then he loses his job. Now, he's jobless and essentially homeless.

Here's the part of the story that makes me angry:
Jon and I are sitting at Starbucks. My treat since he can't even afford to look at a Starbucks. A pastor, with whom Jon has some connection drives up. Historically, Jon hasn't exactly been a picture perfect Christian. Okay, so one would be hard pressed to say he resembles anything like someone who follows Christ. The drugs, alcohol (cause he's under age), parties and time with the ladies don't exactly scream that he's a man of righteousness. So, his experience with this particular pastor has been a bit strained. But now Jon is in a different place. A very different place. He knows God is doing something in his life. He even tells me, that maybe he needs to get reconnected with church. Maybe this pastor can help.
The pastor blows him off. Really blows him off. In such a way that I can only sit and stare at the interaction in shock and amazement.
However, the pastor says, I'll call you next week. The pastor leaves. Jon now has no interest in hearing from the pastor, let alone reconnecting to the church.
Angry as I am at the pastor, I realize there is history that perhaps the pastor cannot get over, and should rightfully be weary of. So I call the pastor and advocate on Jon's behalf. I can only leave a message.
A week goes by. At this point Jon's situation is worsening. The pastor calls me. He has yet to call Jon. When I explain Jon's situation and when I explain that Jon truly is in a different place than before and in a place of need, I am met with patronizing remarks on the part of the pastor, pessimism about Jon and the situation, and unwillingness to help Jon in the midst of this problem. But, that pastor comments to me, "I'm sure glad you are able to care for Jon" in a tone that implied, "because no one else can".
I call another youth pastor with whom Jon is also familiar. Jon has actually met with youth pastor to explain his situation. Youth pastor replies the exact same way the other pastor did. "I'm really glad you can care for Jon this way."
Here's the thing:
I don't want to care for Jon in this way. I'm 25 and I'm trying to ensure the health and well being of an 18 year old. I don't know how to do that. I'm not equipped to do that. Where is the church to help do this? Where are the older leaders who should have the experience and desire to help feed and clothe the sheep? Why doesn't anyone else care what happens to this kid? Why am I the only one trying to do anything about his situation? Doesn't it matter to anyone that this kid is going to be homeless and do any number of illegal/immoral/dangerous things to survive?

This is the humbling part of the story:
As my anger toward the weakness of the institutionalized church grew and boiled over before I stopped. And I asked myself:
How many times before have I not cared? How many times have I seen someone in need and thought/said, "Go, be warmed and well fed" and yet did nothing to help? How many excuses have I come up with?

I'm still processing my answers to the above questions. I'm a little less angry at the church. A little more angry at myself. Resolved not to let this experience go to waste.

The part of the story where we hope things get better:
There are dozens of agencies in my town to help women, children, alcoholics, drug addicts or mentally or physically impaired. After calling half a dozen churches, talking with countless pastors, dialing information, and talking with people in social services I have found one program that helps homeless men with out requiring them to have any other issue besides that they are simply homeless.
I took Jon down to the shelter and filled out an application. Not surprisingly there is a waiting list. But his chances look good.

Right now he is staying with a family I was able to get connected to by going through all of my contacts and just asking, "is there anyway this person could help?" I called this family who is...a bit weird. Bizarre even. But bizarre because they care about people a lot more than most. And that informs everything else they do. Of course, they would know who to turn to for help.
I have a lot to learn from bizarre people.

I hope I never look a homeless person the same way again. I wish I could take 'homeless' out of the descriptor and just say 'person'. I want to see the PERSON in the homeless person.

scars

2008-07-17T16:28:00.004-04:00

I stumbled across this blog a few months ago and in the past few weeks have done what I can to read it everyday. Please, take a moment and follow this link. This message is really important.

http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2008/07/349-shining-up-our-scars.html

p.s. I'll probably re-direct you there a number of times... just get used to it

Busy

2008-07-16T16:54:00.004-04:00

It's summer vacation and I'm working. Why?

My wife (who is many times more brilliant than I) and I frequently have discussions about our "pace" of life. Since this is our first year of marriage we have intentionally decided that our pace for the next year was going to be slow. We weren't going to get involved in any extra activities or groups or jobs or ministry possibilities for the next year.

When you are used to a life that is defined by what you do it is HARD to suddenly switch gears.

Both my wife and I grew up in church's where "doing" was praised. This meant getting all the right answers in Sunday school, being involved in every ministry team, attending every youth group event, performing on stage (music stuff or drama stuff) earning points in Awana-like programs, and basically being at church every time the door was open.

And it didn't stop when I left home and went to college. My first year I joined a community choir (seriously? what was I thinking...) a prison outreach team, and a drama team. I also made a point to go to every other "spiritual" related thing on campus...which can be a lot at a Christian college. I just kept doing. And I defined myself by what I did. I was a small group leader. I was a resident assistant. I was a drama team leader. I was a member of ____. All things I did.

There is nothing wrong with any of these activities and I have some great memories as a result of getting involved. But when I graduated college, I came to the realization that out here, no one knew about any of those things. So why should that bother me? Because if no one knew what it meant for me to "be a small group leader" or "be a resident assistant", then how would they know who I am? And when I realized that so much of my definition of who I was was dependent on 1. what I did 2. how "spiritual" what I did was 3. that others knew what I did I realized I had a serious problem.

After I got married I realized I wasn't alone on that issue and that my wife also struggled with the same issue. We defined ourselves by what we did.

So we stopped doing.

That wasn't hard at first because I was so consumed by the business of work. So, while my wife was expressing to me how cleansing and yet how difficult all this not doing anything was, I could mostly just nod and listen. I thought, we she must have been caught up in more than me. I wasn't that bad off after all.

But I'm coming to realize, that while I have shed my churchy doingness, I have only replaced it with worky doingness.

It is summer vacation. Granted, for income sake, I do work 3 days a week painting houses. But the other two days? Do I spend them with my beautiful bride? (who also has those two days off) No. Do I spend them in the woods? (where all good conversations with God happen) No. Do I spend them in my favorite places or even enjoying my favorite activities? No. What am I doing then with all my free time?

I'm working. I'm writing lesson plans. I'm thinking about school in the fall. I'm wondering how I'm going to handle a certain group of students. I'm planning out how I'm going to rearrange my classroom. I'm reading mostly history related books. I'm researching field trips.
Again, none of this stuff is wrong and most of it's pretty necessary. But the bigger issue isn't what I'm doing. The bigger issue is WHY?

Why can't I relax?
Why do I get anxious if my mind isn't thinking about something "important"?
Why do I also have to be doing?
Why do I have so much trouble being still?
Why do I have so much trouble being silent?
Why am I still so consumed with doing and not being?

Again, doing is important. But it's the extreme and the inability to stop that bothers me.

Why is this post getting so long?

The Supreme Court

2008-07-10T17:21:00.002-04:00

Quick, name one thing you know about the Supreme Court.

Hmm. Yeah. That's what I thought.

I'd have to say you're pretty much like most Americans in that we don't know a whole lot about the third branch of government. (there are three?)
I'll be honest, I teach government and it wasn't until my second time teaching on the topic that I really got it. So, I figured that if I'm going to teach the subject, I should probably read up on it.

Enter The Supreme Court, by William H. Rehnquist. Rehnquist was Chief Justice of the Supreme Court 19 years before he passed away in 2005. So, he knew a thing or two about the Court.

I know the topic seems really dry, and at times I wanted to get to the end of the chapter a little quicker than the pages allowed for, but Rehnquist did a great job of actually making a very technical aspect of our government down to earth. In fact, the book is almost a narrative of the history of the Supreme Court.

For those of you still racking you brains trying to remember why the Supreme Court is so important, let me fill in a few details of which His Honor reminded me.

The main purpose of the Supreme Court is to interpret the laws passed by Congress and acted upon by the President.
That power, known as Judicial Review, isn't actually stated in the Constitution, but it is implied.
The Court only reviews a law, if that law "harms" someone, that person sues the government, and their case moves from lower courts up the to Supreme Court.
The Court, mostly hears cases that question the constitutionality of a law.
The Court decides most cases unanimously (there are 9 justices/judges) it's only the really hotly contested ones we hear about...mostly politically hyped cases.

I've heard many conservative people talk about the Supreme Court as if it were the tool of the anti-Christ. They say that liberal "activist" judges are stripping Americans of their rights as individuals or they are making America more secular. Rehnquist, a conservative, seemed to take a very mild approach to this issue. He more or less stated that justices are trying to determine right and wrong in the midst of very complex circumstances, most of which the public doesn't hear about or understand. The issue that seems to be at hand is how many rights we as Americans have. The more rights we're give, the reality is, the more clashes we'll have. The less rights we're give, the less our activities will extend into the sphere of others and upset them. So as we see our religious culture clashing against the secular culture, it seems to me that it is simply because more rights have been given, or extended, or recognized. Especially, the right to actively dissent from the majority.

One critical question we must ask though, when two rights interfere, which right is right? That issue was not addressed by Rehnquist. I'm sure I don't have the answers. Rehnquist did however make an interesting statement, (I'm paraphrasing because I lost my notes) just because we feel we have a right, doesn't mean that right is actually protected in the Constitution. To which I would add, even if it's in the Constitution, it doesn't mean it's right.

Sometimes I think we see the Constitution as this sacred document that should guide our every action and belief as Americans. We forget the Constitution was written more to limit our government. The more rights we demand, the stronger the government must be to ensure those rights our protected. And ironically, the stronger our government becomes, the less secure our rights are.

So. Enough about the Supreme Court. But, if you're vaguely interest in understanding the Supreme Court, I recommend the book. You don't have to be a lawyer or a government teacher to understand it. Or if you enjoy American history, as Rehnquist chronicles the history of the Supreme Court he also weaves in the story of America. It is interesting to read American history from a new perspective, even if that is the perspective of the Court.

Any thoughts about rights? Which rights are "over protected"? Which rights are under protected? Do the rights, guaranteed to U.S. citizens extend to non-citizens? Criminals of war? Terrorists?

So many questions! And people think this stuff is boring!

summer reading

2008-07-09T18:19:00.005-04:00

As a child I don't think I thought much about what my teachers did over the summer. Mostly because I didn't think about my teachers over the summer. I was a little befuddled if I happened to see them at the store or the mall. (aren't you supposed to be at school?) Now that I'm the teacher, I don't think about what my students are doing. It helps me sleep better.

Every summer I have some sort of goals. Usually, it includes a list of books that is way to long to actually read during the summer. This summer is no different. I told myself it would be different because most of the book I just wanted to skim as a refresher. Nope. I haven't even done that. There is always a new book I find, or a new project I've discovered. There are many things I covet, but knowledge would probably be on the top ten list. (Over Oreo's and cold milk, but under world peace)

I have a few friends who post thier latest reads on their blogs. Since I created this blog I have yet to figure out it's purpose. I figure posting my thoughts about books is just as good as any other purpose, and probably a bit more useful than the tales of my recent scrap-booking party. Not that I do that. I don't. Once school starts and I don't actually have time to read, I'll probably stop posting about books. Heck, I'll be happy if I post at all. But in the meantime, you'll all be able to have a gander (yes, a gander) at what recent book has made it's way into my mind.

This actually works well for me. One ever present goal I have, regardless of the time of year, is to be fairly intentional in my thinking. I am always amazed at how poorly trained my mind is despite a fair to good high-school education and a good college education I still wouldn't say I have a well trained mind. I don't blame that on my previous education, I blame that on my own lack of mental discipline. (Or maybe ADHD, which I like to claim when it suits me.)

So, I guess there you have it folks. I'll use this sight to post about my thoughts on books or whatever mental workout I am in the midst of and want to share with the world.

Again, probably just my wife. And my scrapbooking buddies.

one small step...

2008-06-30T16:33:00.000-04:00

Perhaps I've just sucumbed to the cultural trend that is blogging...perhaps I've always been intrigued and secretly jealous of those who blogged, wishing that I too have clever thoughts to post on a regular basis. Maybe I can justify it by telling myself it's how I can keep up with people who live far away and both facebook and myspace seem a bit "teeny-bopper" for me. (this blog spot gig is so much more mature) Whatever the reason, I am now blogging. I am not sure what about. Life, I guess. I bet my wife will be the only one who reads this. That's probably ok.